Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
