apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
