You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
