Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
