I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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