wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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