woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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