Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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