You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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