she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
