i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize