I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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