GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
