Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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