alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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