i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
