I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
