It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
