bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
