The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
