We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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