Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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