Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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