Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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