That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
