i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
