just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize