I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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