I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
