whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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