New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
