JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
