their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize