Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
