You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
