Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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