If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
