I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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