Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
