Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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