And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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