perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
