I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
