lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
