508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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