Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
