YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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