Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
