New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize