So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
