K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
love makes seman taste better
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
