I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Enjoy the penises
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
