pedialite and red bull = repair kit
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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