i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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