She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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