So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
