They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
