you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
