Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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