So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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