Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
