I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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