I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
